It's 1970 and Desmond Twelvetrees leaves school with no qualifications and no hope. His loose-legged, man-hungry mother, Beryl, forces him towards the AEC factory where buses and lorries are assembled. It doesn't take long for everyone to realise that Desmond is indeed a twerp. In desperation, Desmond joins the works drama club, dreaming of becoming the first mixed-race James Bond. To everyone's surprise, Desmond can act and, despite having naughty thoughts about Sheila, the drama club's organiser, he becomes the stand-out pupil.This part of Desmond's diary, found after Desmond's premature demise, takes us through his early acting year of auditions, TV ads, soft porn snatches, and touring the country in a play he doesn't really understand. A good-looking boy in the seventies, he loses no time in casting his net at good-looking females under seventy and, for the most part, now using his stage name Dessie, he manages to catch a few - with some mishaps and embarrassing moments.Dessie is soon on his way to becoming that bloke on the telly that no-one remembers.