Chip Leighton started performing online as a lark, not because he "craved validation through TikTok" as his daughter surmised (with snark). However, sharing the funny, weird, dumb things his kids said and texted wholly confirmed that teenagers do say the darndest things. Parents worldwide responded, delighted to share quips from their own offspring, like "what time is noon" or "are parsnips chicken." The channel became an ad hoc support group for adults who had teenagers in their lives. What a relief to learn that answering FaceTime calls with the word "No" before hanging up was normal behavior, as was comparing a parent to a panda in a meme. In this debut collection, Leighton showcases these gems, adding tongue-in-cheek advice, charts and graphs, and silly quizzes. For readers who've graduated from I Heart My Little A**holes but aren't quite ready for Sh*t My Dad Says, this book is the ultimate impulse purchase.