Improve your personal and professional relationships instantly with this timeless guide to communication, listening skills, body language, and conflict resolution.Maybe a wall of silent resentment has shut you off from someone you love. Maybe you listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other. Or maybe your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you. People Skills is a communication skills handbook that can help you eliminate these and other communication problems. Author Robert Bolton describes the twelve most common communication barriers, showing how these "roadblocks" damage relationships by increasing defensiveness, aggressiveness, or dependency. He explains how to acquire the ability to listen, assert yourself, resolve conflicts, and work out problems with others. These are skills that will help you communicate calmly, even in stressful emotionally charged situations. People Skills will show you: -How to get your needs met using simple assertion techniques -How body language often speaks louder than words -How to use silence as a valuable communication tool -How to de-escalate family disputes, lovers' quarrels, and other heated arguments Both thought-provoking and practical, People Skills is filled with workable ideas that you can use to improve your communication in meaningful ways, every day.

A wall of silent resentment shuts you off from someone you love....You listen to an argument in which neither party seems to hear the other....Your mind drifts to other matters when people talk to you....

ContentsPrefacePART ONEIntroductionCHAPTER ONESkills for Bridging the Interpersonal GapCommunication: Humanity's Supreme AchievementThe Ineffectiveness of Most CommunicationThe Ache of LonelinessSo Much Lost LoveA Key to Success at WorkA Life-or-Death MatterYou Can ChangeYou Will Change!Managing Your Resistance to LearningFive Sets of SkillsSummaryCHAPTER TWOBarriers to CommunicationCommon Communication SpoilersWhy Roadblocks Are High-Risk ResponsesJudging: the Major RoadblockRoadblockSending Solutions Can Be a Problem!Avoiding the Other's ConcernsRoadblock Number ThirteenSummaryPART TWOListening SkillsCHAPTER THREEListening Is More Than Merely HearingThe Importance of ListeningListening DefinedListening Skill ClustersAttending SkillsFollowing SkillsSummaryCHAPTER FOURFour Skills of Reflective ListeningReflective Responses Provide a Mirror to the SpeakerParaphrasingReflecting FeelingsReflecting MeaningsSummaryCHAPTER FIVEWhy Reflective Responses WorkStyle and Structure in ListeningSix Peculiarities of Human CommunicationSkepticism Is Best Dissolved by ActionSummaryCHAPTER SIXReading Body languageThe Importance of Body LanguageNonverbals: The Language of FeelingsThe "Leakage" of Masked FeelingsGuidelines for Reading Body LanguageReflect the Feelings Back to the SenderA Clear But Confusing LanguageSummaryCHAPTER SEVENImproving Your Reflecting SkillsGuidelines for Improved ListeningBeyond Reflective ListeningWhen to Listen ReflectivelyWhen Not to Listen ReflectivelyThe Good News and the Bad NewsSummaryPART THREEAssertion SkillsCHAPTER EIGHTThree Approaches to RelationshipsListening and Assertion: The Yin and Yang of CommunicationMethods for Developing AssertivenessThe Need to Protect One's Personal SpaceImpactingThe Submission-Assertion-Aggression ContinuumPayoffs and Penalties of Three Ways of RelatingChoose for YourselfSummaryCHAPTER NINEDeveloping Three-Part Assertion MessagesVerbal Assertion: The Third OptionThree-Part Assertion MessagesEffective and Ineffective Ways of ConfrontationWriting Three-Part Assertion MessagesA Voyage of Self-Discovery and GrowthSummaryCHAPTER TENHandling the Push-Push Back PhenomenonSurprise AttackThe Human Tendency to Be DefensiveThe Upward Spiral of Increasing DefensivenessA Six-Step Assertion ProcessSummaryCHAPTER ELEVENIncreasing Your Assertive OptionsMany Varieties of Assertive Behavior"Natural" AssertionsSelf-DisclosureDescriptive RecognitionRelationship AssertionsSelective InattentionWithdrawalThe Spectrum ResponseOptionsNatural and Logical ConsequencesStop the Action; Accept the FeelingsSay "No!,"Modify the EnvironmentThe Danger of Going OverboardThe Aura of AssertivenessSummaryPART FOURConflict Management SkillsCHAPTER TWELVEConflict Prevention and ControlConflict Is UnavoidableConflict Is Disruptive and/or DestructiveThe Benefits of ConflictRealistic and Nonrealistic ConflictPersonal Conflict Prevention and Control MethodsGroup/Organizational Prevention and Control MethodsThe Dangers of Conflict Prevention and ControlSummaryCHAPTER THIRTEENHandling the Emotional Components of ConflictFocus on the Emotions FirstThe Conflict Resolution MethodThe Conflict Resolution Method in ActionFour Ways to Use the Conflict Resolution MethodPreparation for the EncounterEvaluating the ConflictExpected Outcomes of the Conflict Resolution MethodSummaryCHAPTER FOURTEENCollaborative Problem Solving: Seeking an Elegant SolutionThree Kinds of ConflictAlternatives to Collaborative Problem SolvingSeeking an Elegant Solution Through Collaborative Problem SolvingSix Steps of the Collaborative Problem-Solving MethodWhat This Problem-Solving Method CommunicatesCollaborative Problem-Solving in ActionHandling the Crucial PreliminariesWhat Do I Do When Collaborative Problem Solving Doesn't Work?Applications of Collaborative Problem SolvingSummaryCHAPTER FIFTEENThree Essentials for Effective CommunicationIn Communication, Skills Alone Are InsufficientGenuinenessNon-possessive LoveEmpathyImplementation of the Core AttitudesAFTERWORDFour Steps to Improved CommunicationA Quantified Commitment to Use the SkillsSelect Appropriate SituationsUndaunted by Occasional FailurePrepare Others for the ChangeSkill TrainingNotesIndex