From New Yorker and Onion writer and comedian Blythe Roberson, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a comedy philosophy book aimed at interrogating what it means to date men within the trappings of modern society. Blythe Roberson's sharp observational humor is met by her open-hearted willingness to revel in the ugliest warts and shimmering highs of choosing to live our lives amongst other humans. She collects her crushes like ill cared-for pets, skewers her own suspect decisions, and assures readers that any date you can mess up, she can top tenfold. And really, was that date even a date in the first place?With sections like Real Interviews With Men About Whether Or Not It Was A Date; Good Flirts That Work; Bad Flirts That Do Not Work; and Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You've Got Mail, How to Date Men When You Hate Men is a one stop shop for dating advice when you love men but don't like them."With biting wit, Roberson explores the dynamics of heterosexual dating in the age of #MeToo"- The New York Times

Introduction 0001. Crushes 000JoyCrushesIt's Not About YouBoy CrazyOne-Track MindInteresting Topics to Think and Talk About That Are Not Some Dude You Hung Out with Two and a Half Times but Never KissedBlurry-Faced CrushesSure, OkayMan ManagementCategories for My Crush-Tracking App2. Flirting 000SignalsText InterpretationUsing My Four-Year College English Degree to Close-Read Texts from MenI Know It When I See ItMen I Thought Were Flirting with Me, and WhyDigital FlirtingGood Flirts That WorkBad Flirts That Do Not WorkStealingTouchingMissed Connections3. Dating 000Defining The DateWays to Make It Clear It's a DateAppsGood Analog Places to Meet MenDate the Person You Want to Be in the WorldPerformative ChillnessWays to Kill Time While You're Waiting to Answer a TextBeing ChillThe Rules Versus My Rules If I Wrote a Dating How-To BookTalking ToSchrödinger's RelationshipThis ISN'T a Date!4. Psychic Wounds 000Men Weaponizing the Bechdel TestScale of One to TenA Better Ranking Scale, for Men I Am IntoPDAAcceptable and Nonacceptable PDA LocationsWill They or Won't TheyThe Best Rom-Coms of All Time and How They Ruined MeBeing MeanHello, Its Mr. Nasty: Definitive Proof That Tom Hanks Is The Villain Of You've Got MailRomantic FriendshipBlah Blah Blah "My Girlfriend"Professionally Insecure Woke BoysTypes of Men Who Are BadTypes of Men Who Are Great5. Getting Serious 000"Defining" the "Relationship"Long-DistanceLiving TogetherNegotiablesMarriage Is Bad and I Am for Sure Going to End Up Married to the First Person Who Asks Me6. Breaking Up 000Love Is FakeRejection Is GoodWays to Break Up with Someone You Aren't DatingBreakup ClichésLines I Would Prefer Men Use When Rejecting MeGhostingInternet StalkingWhat I Am Hoping Comes Up When I Internet Stalk PeoplePop Culture AnniversariesGetting Back TogetherLove AmnesiaOh, Haha, We Used to KissHow to Get the Perfect Revenge Body7. Being Single 000Full TreeProse Before BrosComfortWhen You Least Expect It8. Making Art 000Making Art About Your RelationshipsSubtweetsSubtweets, Arranged by Who They Are AboutPeople Making Art About YouThe Pay Is CertainConclusion 000Acknowledgments 000