In 1997 Richard Baker wrote a story featuring his family - a rip off of a children's book simply substituting the names of the characters and adding a few in-jokes. A family tradition was born. Reading of a new story became part of the Christmas day routine. In the new millennium Richard got kidnapped by aliens. He learned their language and was released after being provided a communicator. He also won his first Grand Prix. The aliens had assessed the human race and determined that by galactic standards the number of objectionable people was significant. A list of names contained individuals such as Graham Norton and Noel Edmonds. Communications with the aliens became blocked shortly after. Richard did however retain the List. The Major Vampires started to appear in the lives of the Baker family around the same time. This trilogy of goings-on is written by Richard in the style that he became accustomed. It makes no claim to have the answers or to give good guidance to those with similar tales.